


Scars Of The Past

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: GacktJOB
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:04:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: When You tries to spice up his relationship with Gackt, it leads to his lover growing strangely angry. Worried for his lover You listens to Gackt's story, shocked by the revelations Gackt shares about his past.





	Scars Of The Past

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains a brief rape scene, nothing graphic, involving a teenager.

            You didn't mind being asked to help his horny lover find some release. He actually quite enjoyed getting on his knees for the man, and it was always an honour to know that Gackt would rather stay aroused than ever use his own hand. Gackt would sleep with nobody else, not even himself. It wasn't often your partner could be so committed, though a lot of it came down to the fact Gackt believed masturbation was cheap and dirty. You didn't agree with that, but if it helped make Gackt increasingly dependent and grateful for these small favours, he would be the last one to complain.

            His tongue ran down Gackt's length, savouring the taste of pre-cum already forming on the tip. It's been just over a fortnight since they had some free time alone together. Two weeks Gackt had remained entirely celibate. He must need this bad and yet You knew he would still hold of his orgasm for as long as possible. Giving Gackt a blow-job wasn't something you did quickly. 

            Feeling a little kinky, and longing to move their relationship into new territory, You gently ran his hand up the back of Gackt's thigh and over his ass. Was he brave enough to do this? Gackt had made it clear he wouldn't have anything go into him, mouth or ass, but it was just a finger. He'd feel so good that he wouldn't even remember to be angry.

            Taking the risk, You slid the digit into Gackt, instantly regretting it as he was physically thrown of his lover. Falling backwards he stared up half terrified by the look on the other man's face. He'd never seen anyone quite that angry before.

            “What the hell You?” Gackt snapped. “You know that's off limits.”

            “I know, I'm sorry,” You apologised. “I was just-”

            “Just don't.” Gackt replied, his anger like a volcano about to explode.

            “Please, just let me finish. No fingers. I promise.” You begged.

            “You're already got rid of my erection.” Gackt said as he began to pull his clothes back together. It was true, he'd completely lost his arousal. This was more than anger, it was fear.

            “Gackt,” You tried to calm him down.

            “You've done enough.” Gackt replied as he stormed out of the room, leaving You on the floor staring at the closed door. The worst he had expected to happen was Gackt scolding him, or just asking him to stop. This, this wasn't normal behaviour for anyone, especially not Gackt.

 

            “I'm sorry, I freaked out,” Gackt apologised later. “You were just trying to please me. I know that. But I did warn you.”  
            “You never bottom and no oral.” You agreed. It had been a condition of their relationship right from the start. It sounded selfish to others, but he had agreed to it, and Gackt made it up to him in so many ways he hardly missed it.

            “I'm sorry.” Gackt repeated, as he took You's hand, gently enfolding it between his own.

            “Gackt, has something happened in the past to make you feel that way?” You asked.

            “Yes,” Gackt replied with a sigh. “I suppose it's about time I told you?”

            “You don't have to,” You reassured him. “I know not to try anything like that again.”  
            “I want to tell you,” Gackt decided. “Because I love you, and trust you, and it will help me to get it off my chest.”

            “I'm listening.” You replied, mentally preparing himself for whatever Gackt had to tell him.

            “It starts with a man,” Gackt began. “No surprise there....”

 

***

 

            I met him in the local pool hall and was attracted to him straight away, even though I knew he must be at least ten years older than me. I never found that to be a problem and neither did he. He should have, I was still in high school, but at the time I saw no reasons why I would be too young to give consent. It's strange how we have different standards for ourselves isn't it? I'd never think to touch a teenager myself, that should have been my first clue he wasn't an entirely decent man. I love danger though, the adrenaline rush. Perhaps that was part of my attraction to him? Or the glamour of an adult life?

            Anyway, I was alone because my friend had left with a headache earlier, leaving me to play a pool game with a guy he knew. I didn't know him well but we got along well enough to play together sometimes. As the game ended I was going to leave but he invited me to another game, which I agreed to happily enough. I remember I beat him easily, but I'm not so sure he was focused on playing. At one point, while I was making a shot that required me to lean across the table I felt his hand on my ass. Keep in mind I had never had a gay experience before. It startled me but was rather enjoyable.

            “Do you like that?” He whispered to me and I replied that I did. After that his hand hardly left my body, touching me every chance he could get and I loved every second. I'd always suspected I didn't have a gender preference and this was all the proof I needed to be sure. When he invited me to his home for more, I eagerly agreed to the proposal. I was desperate for whatever he had to give to me.

            We drank wine that night. It was a cheap vintage that tasted like sewage compared to the half glasses my parents had given me for special occasions as I was growing up. Not even old enough to drink and I knew more about wine that him. It amused me but not him. He'd been trying to impress me, not just get me drunk.

            “You're a smart-ass kid, aren't you?” He had snapped before he kissed me. It was harsh and angry kiss which I returned with enthusiasm, the anger evaporating into passion. He convinced me to give him a blow job, which I did happily enough. I can't say it was the best blow job I’ve given, or even a good one, but it satisfied him. After that we laughed and talked, his hands often wandering but he never asked me to remove any clothing.

            I returned there the next day and then the next. Frequently visiting him for the soul purpose to get drunk and suck him off. One day his friend was there with a boy of his own. We all got stupidly drunk and it seemed like such a good idea to suck of the stranger. Just to prove I was better at giving blow jobs than the other boy. I won that as well, but my victory only made him jealous.

            The romance, because that's what I thought it was, turned sour after that. I grew more and more desperate to please him. One day I stripped naked for him and masturbated before him. He laughed as I came, called me a slut and forced my mouth over his erection. I loved that he dominated me. I was a different person back then.

            “I want to cum inside you.” He requested one day. It was something we had discussed before but I was always too scared. I was scared that day but I agreed, stripping naked as he asked and watching him lube up his erection that looked far too big for my body to handle. I asked him if this would be OK but he didn't answer. He pushed me down against the sofa so I landed stomach first and forced himself into my body. I screamed in pain, it was that bad and he joked that I was nothing but a little girl.

            “Please stop! It hurts.” I complained over and over again, as he pounded into me. I was crying I think, I couldn't believe this man who had seemed so cool to me before could be so cruel. He wasn't the man I had thought he was.

            When he was done with me, I was getting no pleasure from this and just wanted it to stop, he picked up my clothes and threw my clothes at me and ordered me to get out. I did, crying the whole time. He insulted me for being weak while I got dressed. For crying. For being a shameless slut. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. Even now I don't know. I suspect I was just a conquest and once he'd had me he felt no need for me to hang around.

            I had to tell my parents that night. It hurt so bad I couldn't even sit down and when I went to the hospital the doctor concluded he had actually ripped my inner walls. My body was just too small to take a adult man. I was humiliated and my father was so angry and ashamed that I had let a man use me like this. I swore I would never be with a man again but I couldn't keep that promise. A few years later I had a friend who wanted to try something more with me. I was able to pleasure him with my hands and with his guidance learned to have anal sex safely, but I have never submitted to anyone other than him. I won't even suck them off. It just reminds me of him.

 

***

 

            “So that's why I can't please you the way I should.” Gackt explained, crying at the painful memories as he held You against him. His lover crying harder that he was.

            “I'm so sorry, I didn't know.” You apologised, feeling terrible for what he had done. Hurting Gackt had never been his intention.

            “Of course you didn't,” Gackt confirmed as he kissed You gently, their tears mingling together. “Why are you crying so much?”

            “Idiot. It's because your story was so awful. I could kill that man. Just give me his name and I'll,” You began to threaten. “Do nothing. That's why you never mentioned his name isn't it?”

            “One of the reasons,” Gackt agreed. “Leave it. It was the past.”

            “How can I leave it, when it's threatening our present?” You demanded. “The things we could do together, if he hadn't taught you to be afraid.”

            “You're loving the idea of a submissive version of myself aren't you?” Gackt asked. Relieved that You's anger had stopped his lover from crying.

            “Would it hurt you for me to say yes?” You asked. “Because either way, that's the answer.”

            “Of course it is.” Gackt agreed, finding the part of himself that could still laugh.

 

            A couple of days passed in which You thought the whole thing was going to be forgotten. Gackt had shared his secret, and they were closer for it, but nothing seemed to change. Gackt didn't want to overcome his fears. It wasn't like him, but didn't everyone have an Achilles’ heel?

 

            “What's this?” You demanded, as Gackt let himself into You's apartment and dropped a dildo in his lap. Barely wider than his thumb, it was far smaller than the sex toys Gackt usually insisted on tormenting him with. Torment he begged for time and time again. “A child's dildo? Are you getting into paedophilia now too?”

            “If you want to imagine I'm fifteen, by all means do so, while shoving that in my ass.” Gackt replied, casually enough to make You turn to check this really was his boyfriend. If it wasn't for the defensive crossing of his arms, You could almost believe Gackt suddenly didn't care about what had happened to him. That wasn't the case, Gackt was terrified of even asking for this, and even more afraid of his response.

            “I'm shoving nothing inside you,” You replied gently. “Gently inserting and pleasuring you though? That I can do.”

            “Do that then.” Gackt replied, as he walked into You's bedroom. Shaking his head to recover from the shock, he grabbed a pair of scissors and cut open the plastic to rescue the toy inside. They didn't even sell toys like this in his favourite store which specialised in male sex toys, but this was clearly made for the anal beginner whilst he was a pro.

            He kept lube in his bedroom but suspecting it may be running low, he retrieved the bottle he kept in his desk for long nights alone. Sometimes pleasuring himself could be more entertaining than being with a lover. Not when it was your only option, but when you had alternatives it gained more of an appeal.

            “So you're serious then?” You asked, as he entered the bedroom and found Gackt already naked on the bed. His legs spread so temptingly that he could become aroused just looking at him. A picture the fans would never see and usually existed only in his mind.

            “Yes.” Gackt replied, looking relaxed but You saw the fear in his eyes. Being eager would kill the moment he realised, and so he crawled on the bed and began to kiss Gackt tenderly. How to show Gackt this wouldn't hurt? Leading by example obviously didn't work. He'd just have to be gentle.

            “One finger,” You warned. “No penetration.”

            “Mmm.” Gackt moaned, pulling You's lips back on his. Leaving the vocalist to control the kiss You reached between them and began to stroke Gackt's entrance. Teasing the nerves and adding pressure but not penetrating. Just like he had promised. Even this had Gackt tensing up so he took control of the kiss. He wouldn't back down without a physical or verbal sign he should stop, but he wasn't going to rush either.

            “One finger.” You repeated as he picked up the lube and let Gackt see just how much he was using.

            “OK.” Gackt whispered, his voice barely audible. With a gentle smile You placed his lips onto Gackt's neck. Kissing and nibbling there as his finger, ever so slowly, pushed inside. Relieved when Gackt relaxed he gently began to explore this forbidden territory, until he found just the right spot to make Gackt gasp in pleasure.

            “No pain?” You asked.

            “It just feels good.” Gackt confessed, with a childlike innocence of a man experiencing anal for the first time and finding a long-lost friend.

            “This is what it's meant to be like,” You reassured him. “For anyone without a masochistic streak of course.”

            “You beg for it rough!” Gackt scolded, gasping in pleasure as You tickled his sensitive spots deep inside his body.

            “I do,” You agreed. “But I'm dating you. You're enjoying this, aren't you?”

            “More than I thought,” Gackt agreed, as he picked the toy up from where You had left it on the bed and handed it over. “Go for it.”

            “Next time I'm using a toy designed for adults.” You teased, as he removed his fingers long enough to coat the toy with far more lube than it required. After that it was quite easy to insert the dildo into his eager lover and give him a sample of the pleasure he had been so scared of for so long.

            This time his lips met Gackt's erection, and he began to suck in time with the movements of the toy. This had been what he had wanted the other day, when he had attempted to slide his finger inside Gackt. The best blow-job of his lover’s life. Not too much to attempt, well at least not now. Not when Gackt was finally relaxed enough to enjoy every moment of his new-found pleasure.

            Gackt came quickly, something You didn't blame him for, and he pulled away swallowing every drop of cum without spitting or fetching water. That was the one thing he never did, swallow another man's cum but he ignored his lover’s warnings and the taste tonight. If only to show Gackt that they could both test the borders of their relationship.

            “Enjoy that?” Gackt teased.

            “Just the smile I’ve given you,” You replied, as he lay on the bed beside his lover, taking Gackt's hand in his. “How do you feel?”

            “Cheap,” Gackt confessed. “In a way used? But it felt good too. I don't know. Getting over my past isn't going to be quick and easy.”

            “It wouldn't be worth it if it was,” You replied. “I'll be here with you, every time you want to try. Perhaps one day you'll even let me inside?”

            “I don't know,” Gackt warned. “I wouldn't count on it.”

            “You're the kind of guy who doesn't give up once he's accepted a challenge,” You reminded him. “One day I know I'll be inside you and afterwards, do you know what I'll do?”

            “Demand to go again?” Gackt teased.

            “Lie besides you like this and tell you 'I love you',” You replied. “On that day I don't want you to think about how he abandoned you. Instead focus on how you feel whenever I submit to you.”

            “Sexually satisfied and ready to go home?” Gackt suggested.

            “Yes, that.” You agreed as they kissed once more. There was no need to go into sappy discussions about how in love they were. It wasn't something that needed to be said. When Gackt slept with him he felt wonderful and satisfied and whole. As for Gackt? Who knew what he felt like but You knew in his position he'd feel protective and filled with so much love it was like riding a natural high. One day Gackt would find the courage. One day the scars from the past would be erased. It didn't feel that far away at all.


End file.
